The definition of alone is "having no one else present."
The definition of lonely is "sad because one has no friends or company."
When you look at these definitions and compare the meaning behind these two words, the difference is simple. The difference comes down to yourself — your mindset, your attitude, your perspective. While yes, sometimes being alone can be a bit lonely, it doesn't have to be lonely at all. There are definitely a lot of life skills, attitude adjustments, and changes in perspective that must happen in order to shift from being lonely to simply be alone; however, I am going to focus on the three most important aspects of this shift.
Tip #1: Take Care Of Yourself
Taking care of yourself can mean any number of things, but that is the beauty of it. Taking care of yourself is completely up to you because only you know exactly what you need. This can mean prioritizing physical activities like going to the gym, going on walks, going for a bike ride, dancing, or anything of the sort. This can also mean prioritizing your mental and emotional health by paying attention to how you are feeling, articulating those emotions when necessary, and taking steps towards stability. Taking care of yourself can also be less specific; it can be having a self-care night where you run a bath, doing a skincare routine, or simply relaxing. It can be doing anything that makes you happy; whether that be following your passion, or making yourself proud, or building a relationship with yourself, it is entirely up to you.
When you are on your own, it is much easier to take care of yourself and prioritize yourself, as you are not burdened with having to worry about someone else. This presents you with a great opportunity to learn more about yourself, build a stronger, healthier relationship with yourself, and put yourself first. One way to craft a healthier relationship with yourself and prioritize yourself is by making plans for yourself or going on dates with yourself. Oftentimes, when people are alone, they miss going out on dates or having a constant person to hang out with. So, to remedy this feeling of loneliness, why not just go on dates with yourself? Pick out one specific day and time each week, come up with a plan, and commit to it. This could be as simple as going to your favorite coffee shop every Saturday morning and just enjoying this time by yourself.
Another way to craft a healthier relationship and prioritize yourself is to figure out what your passions are and then indulge in them. Sometimes, when someone is in a relationship, they become so focused on their partner that they lose touch with their own passions and what makes them happy. So, while being alone may feel lonely at first, it can be incredibly beneficial for someone to re-discover what they are passionate about. For example, if you love reading, maybe join a book club or make a list of books you would like to read and commit to reading them; if you are passionate about cooking, maybe buy a cookbook and try a new recipe once a week; if you are passionate about photography, maybe set aside time every weekend to explore different locations to take photos — the possibilities are endless.
All in all, taking care of yourself is completely customizable, and being alone will allow you ample time to become more familiar with yourself, more comfortable with yourself, and capable of being alone, without being lonely.
Tip #2: Nurture the Other Relationships in Your Life
Although not being in a relationship means you are single, it does not mean that you have to be lonely. Many relationships in your life are just as important, if not more important, than a romantic one. Your family and friends are key components of living a happy and full life, and being alone is the perfect time to strengthen your bonds with them. Oftentimes, when people are involved in romantic relationships, they can get distracted, spend less time with their friends and family, and become all-consumed with their significant other. So, being alone is the perfect time to hang out with friends and family even more.
Some examples of this could be going on brunch dates with your friends, having family dinners, calling and checking in on them, talking to them about how you are feeling, staying in touch-- whatever it is that will make you feel fulfilled, satisfied, and happy about your relationships with the important people in your life. While it may sound silly to put so much time and effort into strengthening relationships, I promise it is not silly at all. In fact, even MentalHealth.org states that "Friendship is a crucial element in protecting your mental health. You need to talk to your friends and you want to listen when your friends talk to you. Your friends can keep you grounded and can help you get things in perspective. It is worth putting effort into maintaining your friendships and making new friends. Friends form one of the foundations of your ability to cope with the problems that life throws at you" (MHF, 2020).
Furthermore, nurturing your relationships with friends and family is hugely important because of hugging. No, this is not a joke. Hugs and physical touch are crucial when it comes to combating loneliness. When someone is single, they are likely experiencing less physical touch than they normally would have while in a relationship, so it is important to make sure that you are not isolating yourself when you are alone. Hugs have even been scientifically proven to have many health benefits, especially when it comes to preventing loneliness. According to Healthline, hugs release oxytocin, "A chemical in our body that scientists sometimes call the 'cuddle hormone.' This is because its levels rise when we hug, touch, or sit close to someone else. Oxytocin is associated with happiness and less stress" (Cirino, 2018). So, make sure that you are getting your hugs in when you feel alone, as it will absolutely play a role in preventing loneliness.
Clearly, when you are alone, it is important to make sure that you still surround yourself with people that you care about and strengthen your relationships with them. Your friends and family are huge contributors to ensuring that you are able to be alone without being lonely.
Tip #3: Take Breaks From Social Media
While social media may seem like it would be great for combating loneliness, it actually does the opposite. Sure, short term it may help distract you from the fact that you are alone — it may be fun to see other people hanging out, being in relationships, and going on adventures. However, social media has a detrimental effect on mental health in the long-term, especially when it comes to loneliness. When it comes to social media, it becomes nearly impossible to not compare yourself to what you are seeing online. Not only does this mean that you will likely see other people in relationships and start wondering things like, "Why aren't I in a relationship?" "What is wrong with me?" "Why doesn't someone want to be with me?" — it also means that you will likely be comparing yourself to false, unrealistic, and misleading presentations of reality. People usually always post their "best" or most "perfect" pictures and stories online — no one is going to post about their fights, disagreements, or negative aspects of their relationships because they do not want people to see that. This is why social media breaks are important; you must realize that online life is not reality and you must not compare your life and your relationships to unrealistic standards. According to Psychology Today, when people fall prey to social comparison as a result of social media, "they develop a sense of dissatisfaction by labeling themselves as less successful or happy" (Ali, 2018). In turn, this causes them to feel more lonely.
Furthermore, the more time you spend on social media, the less time you spend with people in real life. This means that you focus more on online, unrealistic, impersonal relationships that people present, as opposed to tangible, meaningful relationships with people in real life. Not only will this leave you feeling less fulfilled and satisfied with the relationships in your life, but according to Psychology Today, "Individuals who spend more time on social media every day feel lonelier than those who spend less time engaged in social media," (Ali, 2018). Additionally, social media and "the ease of accessibility may cause you to connect more in the digital realm, but disconnect from the world around you… it can even cause individuals to experience a decrease of present enjoyment," (Ali, 2018). So, to be less lonely, you must prioritize focusing on yourself and your relationships in real life, not relationships online. If you want to learn how to be on your own without being lonely, then it will be of the utmost importance to implement social media detoxes into your life and really limit your usage.
Conclusion
Obviously, mastering the art of being alone without being lonely is not a simple task — it will take dedication, adjustments, and changes. However, if you follow these three steps, I promise that it will be far easier to be by yourself. You do not need a significant other to feel whole, as you are already complete on your own. I hope that this article helps you to realize that.
Works Cited
Ali, Shainna. “Is Social Media Making You Lonely?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 5 Oct. 2018, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-mentality/201810/is-social-media-making-you-lonely.
Cirino, Erica. “Why You Should Get (and Give) More Hugs.” Healthline, Healthline Media, 11 Apr. 2018, www.healthline.com/health/hugging-benefits.
(MHF) “Friendship and Mental Health.” Mental Health Foundation, 14 Aug. 2018, www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/f/friendship-and-mental-health.
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