In my entire 20 years of life, I could probably count on one hand the number of times I have seen my male friends or family members cry. Now, this doesn't mean that they haven't cried more than five times, but it means that I have never seen it. Meanwhile, I do not have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times I have seen my female friends and family members cry. While I am sure some people are going to read this blog post and argue "that's because women are SO much more emotional than men," I am going to argue that this is not the case. Sure, maybe some women are more emotionally expressive than men, but women do not experience more emotions than men. The fact that both women and men experience the same emotions, yet women are not only expected to express their emotions, but they are deemed as "more of a woman" when they do, while men are deemed as weak or "less of a man" when they demonstrate emotions in any capacity, is a problem. The fact of the matter is, emotions are neither feminine nor masculine—they are HUMAN, and expecting men not to be human, is incredibly toxic and harmful.
The issue at hand is not restricted to men crying or not crying; it goes much deeper than that. The issue is that men are expected to not express their emotions, seek help for their emotions, or even discuss their emotions, and as a result, men's mental health suffers tremendously. For the most part, everyone has some sort of awareness that repressing emotions is dangerous and unhealthy; however, I do not think that people truly understand just how dangerous it is.
An article I came across published by the American Journal of Men’s Health, titled “Masculinity and Depression: A Longitudinal Investigation of Multidimensional Masculine Norms Among College Men,” states that women are "two to four times more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety and depression”; however, this is not because women are more anxious and depressed than men, but because men are “far more likely to underreport and underestimate the severity of their emotions” (Iwamoto). Demonstrating just how devastating the impact of not expressing their emotions can be, "men are four times more likely [than women] to die from suicide attempts” (Iwamoto). On top of this, men are also more likely to engage in violent behaviors as a coping mechanism and more likely to have alcohol-related problems, which is more often than not linked to their habit of repressing their emotions.
Not seeking help or downplaying the severity of their emotions is not limited to a couple of men, here and there. In a study conducted by the Harvard Review of Psychiatry, it was found that "nearly 70% of college men experiencing mental health concerns do not seek counseling services” (Iwamoto). Yes, that is correct. 70 PERCENT. That number is unsettling. That number is a call for help. That number signifies that there is a deep-rooted, permeating, cultural norm that must be corrected.
The fact that 7 in every 10 college men who are experiencing mental health concerns will not seek help is incredibly worrisome and saddening. Not only is it scary to think that they are experiencing these intense emotions completely on their own, with no emotional outlet, but it is terrifying to think that they believe this is what they have to do—that battling their mental health concerns alone, is their only option. Obviously, I am not discrediting the seriousness of mental health concerns for women, or the fact that women, too, oftentimes feel as if they cannot express their emotions, but I am saying that it is much less accepted and far less encouraged for men to express their emotions.
Although I do not have all of the answers regarding this problem, I think destigmatizing the concept of men seeking help for their mental health, making mental health resources more accessible, and breaking down the biases built against men expressing their emotions would be a great place to start. Yes, this will take time. Yes, this will take resources. Yes, this will take people. However, this is something that is most definitely worth the effort.
In conclusion, we need to be better. We are all human and we are all entitled to our emotions. I said it before and I will say it again: emotions know no gender, and we must all come to terms with that. I will continue to make a conscious effort not only to support men, and women, who express their emotions, but I will encourage them to do so, and I hope this article inspires others to do the same.
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